As parents, it can be hard to navigate talking with your child about technology and how to use it responsibly and thoughtfully. Many of us didn’t grow up having access to all of the things our kids have access to, and on top of that, technology keeps changing so we as parents need to keep updating and changing with it.
Disney and Pixar’s Toy Story 5 explores issues around how young people are using tech in some healthy and unhealthy ways. It also brings up issues around how parents approach tech with their children. So, here are 3 steps for using Toy Story 5 as a launch pad for managing your kid’s tech as a parent:
Explore your values around tech use. Toy Story 5 shows fictional parents who haven’t yet realized the implications of getting their daughter, Bonnie, a tablet. So when she gets it, she’s left to figure things out herself with limited guidance or boundaries. Spending some time thinking about what you value can be helpful in figuring out what guidance and boundaries you want to provide. Some questions you can ask yourself to help you figure that out include:
- What do I want technology to add to my child’s life?
- Examples might include: connection with other people, help learning a new skill, ways to express themselves creatively, enjoying games or storytelling
- What don’t I want technology getting in the way of in my child’s life?
- Examples might include: connection with other people, their ability to learn and solve problems, sleep, community support
Your answers to these questions can help you feel better prepared to talk with your child about these topics and stay grounded as you decide what boundaries to set and enforce and why.
Talk with your child about how they feel about tech use and the themes that come up in Toy Story 5. Ask your kid what they think about the movie and the themes it brings up, like amount of screen time, cyberbullying, feeling lonely or disconnected even though you’re constantly connected online, etc. Ask open ended questions to really understand where they’re at, like:
- What feelings came up for you while watching Toy Story 5?
- How do you feel about how Bonnie interacted with Lilypad? What do you think you would do the same or differently?
- What did you notice about the different tech toys/products, other than Lilypad, that were used in the movie? What was the same or different about them and how did they help or hurt Bonnie?
- How do you feel about how Bonnie’s parents approached Lilypad? How did their actions help Bonnie or make things harder for her?
Try to avoid big reactions or jumping in to tell them how to feel or what you think is right or wrong. This is a time to listen, thank them for sharing, and ask follow up questions so you feel really clear on where your kid is.
Set and hold boundaries with your child – and yourself. Once you understand your values around it and you’ve heard how your child is experiencing technology, it’s time to set some family boundaries. There are lots of kinds of boundaries you can have, including:
- Screen-free times (e.g. at dinner time, game nights, before bedtime) and other limits on screen time (e.g. number of hours per day or week).
- Regular check-ins about screen use and how it’s making them feel, including social media, group chats, gaming platforms, etc.
- Age-appropriate bans on certain types of tech (e.g. not letting your elementary-school aged child use an AI chatbot or companion or have a social media account).
- Privacy boundaries (e.g. rules that their social media accounts are private and you’ll have access to them and approve new connections)
- Creating plans for what to do when something goes wrong (e.g. telling you when something they see online makes them uncomfortable)
Parents have the power and responsibility to help create safe, age-appropriate expectations and boundaries for their kids. Keep in mind, you can hear your kid’s view and still set a boundary they disagree with. If that happens, you can explain your value and why you’re setting that boundary by saying something like “I know you want to have your phone/tablet charging in your room at night, but in this family we value good sleep so we can have a better day the next day, so we’re all going to charge our phones overnight in the kitchen.”
This may mean you have to abide by the family rules you set too, which can be a challenge. Tech can be hard to manage for adults too, so try your best to hold yourself accountable while giving yourself – and your kid – grace. You didn’t grow up in the same tech-filled world, so we’re all learning how to navigate it, together.