How to Build Resilience in Teens and Young Adults: 7 Essential Tips

A teen sitting outside smiling at a peer.

By Kelly Burch

Mental health experts and educators have increasingly focused on the value of resilience. In its simplest form, emotional resilience means working through hard times and handling life’s ups and downs. 

When you apply for new jobs after being laid off, juggle the challenges of raising teens while caring for your own parents, or create a new normal after divorce, you’re demonstrating resilience. You also demonstrate resilience in smaller ways every day when you show up for yourself and your kids despite feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or any number of challenging emotions.

As much as we’d love to protect them, our teens are going to encounter stress, sadness, frustrations, and anxiety. Building resilience in young adults is about showing them that they can endure a wide range of emotions and get through them — even if it’s hard. 

Resilience training can become part of everyday life, as you show teens how to build resilience in normal day-to-day situations. Emotional resilience will help teens transition to adulthood, whether they’re learning to compromise with roommates at college or navigating the stressors of working full time. Here’s how building resilience in children and teens can create skills that will last a lifetime. 

1. Don’t Try to Solve Everything

As a parent, there’s a real temptation to sweep away things that are bothering or challenging your teen, but solving problems for your child won’t teach them resilience. The best way to develop resilience is by coping with difficult situations firsthand. 

Sit by your teen as they go through a challenging time and validate their feelings, prompting them to talk through what they’re experiencing and asking what they think they need to do to solve the problem. That can help build up your teen’s distress tolerance.

It can be hard to watch your teen struggle — with a breakup, anxiety, being fired from a job, or anything else. Remember that this is a good time for your teen to practice building resilience, while they still have the safety net of living at home. By letting them think of and try their own solutions — and make occasional mistakes — you’re equipping them with better resilience in adulthood. 

2. Let Them Know When You’re Worried

Giving your teen space to solve their problems doesn’t mean stepping back completely. It’s still important to check in on them and let them know when you’re concerned. If you notice your teen spending even more time in their room than usual, for example, talk with them about it. 

This is a great time for open-ended questions. Try saying something like, “I’ve noticed you’re not going to drama club anymore. What’s up with that?” Ask your teen if they’d like help brainstorming solutions or if they just want to vent. Remind them you’re always there for them, but be sure to check back later since it can be difficult for teens to start these conversations.

3. Show Empathy

Some things that devastate your teen — such as being left out of a social gathering or being embarrassed on social media — may seem insignificant to you, but turn up your empathy instead of downplaying what your teen is going through. 

You can say something like, “High school friendships can be hard. I didn’t have to deal with social media when I went through it, but I can see how much this affects you.” Validating the stress your child is experiencing goes a long way. 

4. Model Problem-Solving

Resilient people are able to find solutions to their problems and make a new plan if their first one doesn’t work out. But that skill is developed over time, and many teens haven’t yet had a chance to work on it. As a parent, you can help demonstrate realistic problem-solving skills and teach your teen how to find solutions. 

Start by asking your teen if they’ve ever talked a friend through a similar situation, and what helped. Listen to what they say first, and help them figure out steps to take for themselves. Together, brainstorm what other approaches may work in case they need a backup plan. 

5. Encourage Connections With Other Adults

As parents, we want teens to come to us. But even when our kids know they’re supported and loved unconditionally, they’re sometimes more comfortable talking to an adult who isn’t their parent. Strong social relationships with other caring adults and peers are strong factors in resilience. 

It’s not a failure if your teen doesn’t come to you. It shows that they have healthy relationships outside their immediate family, which is a key part of teen development. 

6. Recommend Professional Help

One of the best ways to teach resilience is to acknowledge that it’s OK to need support. When teens feel overwhelmed by their emotions, encourage them to seek professional support. 

That models the idea that you don’t have to wait until a crisis point to get mental health support. Instead, early intervention is healthy, helpful, and effective. 

Learn more about how to get help for your teen.

7. Normalize Tough Times 

Stress is an everyday part of life. You wouldn’t want to burden your child with your stressors, but it’s OK to talk to them about some challenging parts of your life. Seeing you navigate a minor financial setback or a complicated friendship can demonstrate resilience firsthand. 

In a similar way, it’s important to try to keep an even keel, especially in front of your teens. Seeing a parent take a deep breath, stay calm, and create a solution teaches teens healthy coping. Try to avoid saying things like, “I can never catch a break,” which can cause teens to internalize the message that life is hard. Instead, opt for, “We always get through” — a reaction that emphasizes resilience.

If you overreact to a challenge, don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everyone, and it offers an opportunity to model the ways you recenter yourself in, or after, the moment.

Learn More About Raising Resilient Teens 

Effective Mental Health Conversation Starters to Use With Your Teen

Tips to Help Teens Stay Safe and Healthy Using Social Media

How to Identify and Talk About Your Feelings

Basic Life Skills for Your Teen

Caring for Your Teen’s Mental Health From Afar