By Kelly Burch
Headlines about the effects of social media on teens can be scary. A recent report from the U.S. Surgeon General suggests that social media can contribute to depression, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence. Yet social media use is almost unavoidable, with 95% of American teens using a social platform, making social media safety tips essential.
Luckily, it’s not all doom and gloom. Social media’s impact on youth can also be positive, helping teens forge connections, define themselves, and get creative.
Many parents today didn’t grow up with social media, so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the idea of teaching social media safety for kids. But with a little preparation, it’s possible to help your teen set boundaries and practice healthy habits online. Here’s how.
Accept That Social Media Is Here to Stay
It’s easy to gripe about the negatives of social media, but the reality is that apps from Snapchat and Instagram to TikTok and Discord will be in your kids’ lives. It may not be a part of parenting that you envisioned, but it’s the reality of raising teens today and you’re up for the challenge.
Learn About the Positive Impacts of Social Media
The harms of social media are well publicized, but it’s important to understand the benefits as well. It can help you take a more open-minded approach with your teen, and it may help them be more open-minded when you come to them about rules and boundaries. Social media can help teens build a community they may not otherwise have access to, and it can also be a way for young people to learn about their interests, civic engagement, and more.
It’s no wonder that teens report positive experiences on social media. In fact, 80% of teens say social media helps them keep up with friends; 71% say it lets them express their creativity; and 67% say they have people online who support them through tough times.
Create a Family Social Media Plan
Many of the harmful effects of social media on teens worsen when they spend too much time using it. Teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media have more than double the risk of mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety.
You can help your teen limit their risk by implementing boundaries and time limits as a family. Sit down with your teen and consider questions such as:
- How many hours a day should your teen use social media? Are there times they can exceed the limit, like on weekends?
- Should there be device-free areas in your home, such as your teen’s bedroom or at the dinner table?
- How and when should you discuss your teen’s social media use? Will you check in weekly to talk about what they’ve been up to online or only as needed if you feel they’re not using social media in a healthy way?
- What kinds of accounts are off limits? What platforms are off limits?
You can also use this guide to creating a social media plan from the American Academy of Pediatrics, available in English and Spanish.
Involve your teens in creating the plan. Giving them agency over the rules could make them more likely to stick to them. Remember: The plan is a fluid document, so if something isn’t working for your teen, tell them they can talk to you about adjusting it.
Talk Openly About Social Media — Before and After They Start Using It
Just like your child probably used training wheels when they learned to ride a bike, it’s important to give extra support as they learn to handle social media. Have conversations about social media before your child starts using it. (The tween years are a great time for this.)
Talk with them about the importance of not connecting with strangers online and what you’d like them to do if someone they don’t know tries to follow or friend them. Discuss how to identify cyberbullying and the steps you can help them take if they ever experience it
Learn what you need to know to support and protect your teen from cyberbullying.
It’s important to teach your teen that what they post online is available forever — no matter what an app promises. You may discuss how your teen would like to show up online and the sorts of things they will and will not post about. The key to these conversations is to educate, not scare. It’s important to have multiple conversations instead of a single intimidating sit-down, and fully engage your teen’s perspective.
Once your teen has their own accounts, talk frequently about social media — not only about what your expectations are when they use it, but also what they are up to online. Having casual conversations with your teen about funny videos and life hacks they come across on social media will allow them to see that not every conversation about their online life has to be so serious. (And it may help you get to know your teen even better!)
Initially, you may want to friend or follow your teen on the platforms they’re using, ask to see their accounts, or use a parental monitoring app. As they demonstrate responsible use, you can give them more freedom and privacy.
Learn the Periods of Highest Risk
There are certain stages when social media can be particularly harmful. Researchers have found that girls ages 11 to 13 and boys ages 14- to 15 are less satisfied with their lives when they use social media. During these vulnerable times, you may opt to keep your teen off social media or have more oversight of their use, and open up more conversations about how social media can impact body image and self-confidence.
Understand How Teens Use Social Media
Social media — and how teens use it — changes quickly. Do your best to keep up with the latest apps and what they offer. Common Sense Media is a great resource to keep tabs on new app releases, apps that contain content unsuitable for your child’s age group, and more.
Ask your children about their specific use of various platforms. You may discover that your younger teen uses Snapchat for messaging, not sending pictures or videos, or your older teen hasn’t opened Facebook in years. Knowing how your teen uses a given app will help you set the best boundaries for your family.
Lead By Example
About half of teens say their parents are distracted by their phones. Model healthy phone and social media use for your teen by sticking to the family social media plan and following boundaries you want your teen to respect, such as:
- Putting down your phone at mealtimes
- Turning off your phone at a certain time each night
- Setting social media time limits and not exceeding them
- Not using your phone while driving
Like any area of parenting, you don’t have to be perfect to teach your teen about safe social media use. You may even decide to talk to your teen about moments when you overstepped a boundary or did something you regret online, and then use it as a teaching moment. Having frequent low-stakes conversations will keep the lines of communication open between you and your teen and encourage them to turn your family boundaries into practices they live by — and believe in.
Learn More About Teens and Social Media
How Social Media Can Impact Mental Health
Recognizing Signs of Cyberbullying
Mental Health Warning Signs in Teens: What Parents Should Know
How to Combat Misinformation and Find Reputable Sources Online
Effective Mental Health Conversation Starters to Use With Your Teen
Social Media and Body Image: How to Manage the Negative Impact