How to Talk to Teens About Mental Health: Tips to Prepare

A parent and teen engaging in a conversation outside while leaning on a car.

By Jessica Hicks

Talking to your teen — or anyone, for that matter — about their mental health can be daunting. You may worry about how your teen will react when you approach them or how you will react if they share something upsetting or unexpected. You may even be concerned they won’t open up at all.

You may think the conversation will be wholly focused on your teen, but you play an important part in this situation too. How you feel going into the conversation matters to both your own well-being and the outcome of your talk.

It’s OK to feel anxious, upset, or unprepared when you decide to talk to your teen. Here are some ways you can manage the strong emotions you may be experiencing and feel ready to have a meaningful conversation.

Be Aware of How You Feel

While your teen has struggled with their mental health, you’ve likely been dealing with strong — maybe conflicting — emotions. You may be deeply worried about them and sad to see them go through a challenging time. On top of those difficult feelings, you also may be dealing with guilt or regret.

Before diving into a conversation, it can be helpful to recognize how you feel and remind yourself it’s common to have all sorts of emotions in this situation. Then you can lean on relevant coping strategies to feel more calm and centered. That may include going for a walk to clear your head, trying mindfulness exercises and meditation, talking to your therapist, or any other self-care strategies that feel good to you.

Identify Support Ahead of Time

Don’t wait until after you have the conversation to lean on your support network. Before talking to your teen, think about who in your life may be able to best support you, whether it’s your partner, a friend, a family member, a therapist, or someone else. Talk to them ahead of time about what’s going on and how you’re feeling.

You also may look into mental health resources before talking to your teen, in the event they need professional support. Consider exploring mental health organizations in your community or through your teen’s school. You can also check out JED’s resources on ways to get affordable mental health care and therapy resources for diverse identities.

Create a Conversation Plan

Going into the conversation with a plan may help you feel more at ease. You can:

Write down specific behaviors that concern you, such as your teen seeming withdrawn lately or making comments about not wanting to go to school.
Make a short list of conversation starters. You may ask them about particular friendships, classes, or other things at school that could be causing them to isolate themselves or feel stressed.
Consider your teen’s potential reactions and how you will handle them. If you know your teen takes time to open up, you should expect to receive short or one-word answers before they warm up to the conversation. Plan to give them space as needed.
Discuss your concerns and conversation plan with your partner, your co-parent, or a trusted friend or family member.

Check Your Assumptions

You may have a sense of what your teen is going through, but don’t assume you know exactly what they’re feeling or that you understand the nuances of their lived experiences. Think about the assumptions you may be making or opinions you have that could impact the conversation, and how you can put those aside to have a more productive dialogue with your teen. One way to do that is to ask open-ended questions and listen more than you speak.

Consider Time and Place

Before approaching your teen, think about the best possible circumstances for the conversation. There will never be a perfect time and place, but there are things you can plan in advance to put both you and your teen in a calmer headspace. Consider these factors:

Pick a time when you and your teen are already spending time together.
Avoid having the conversation when you or your teen (or both of you) are particularly stressed, distracted, or in a rush.
Consider having the conversation while doing something, such as cooking together or going on a walk, to make the situation less intense and put both of you more at ease.
Keep privacy in mind and plan to have the conversation in a spot where you won’t be overheard.
Plan to put away cell phones and other devices.
Try to avoid making a big scene out of the conversation. Let it be more of a check-in, which can help pave the path for more regular conversations about mental health.

Look at This as a Starting Point

Talking to your teen about their mental health is a great step forward in strengthening your relationship and supporting their well-being. The first conversation is important, but don’t put pressure on yourself (or your teen!) to have everything sorted by the time you’ve finished talking.

The first conversation may not feel the most productive, and you may leave the conversation feeling like your teen didn’t truly open up. That’s OK. Odds are, you’ll need to check in regularly, lean on outside support and resources, and take time to make mental health an open conversation in your family.