How to Cope with Non-Suicidal Self-Injury

Non-suicidal self-injury, sometimes called “self-harm,” “deliberate self-harm,” or simply “self-injury,” is what happens when someone intentionally hurts themselves to feel emotionally better, but not as a way of ending life altogether. Common forms of self-injury include cutting, burning, deep scratching, or hitting.

Because self-injury is often used as a way to cope with negative emotions or to help someone feel something if they feel numb, it can be a tough habit to break. But with the right coping strategies and support network in place, it is possible to stop self-injuring.

If you or someone you know needs to talk to someone right now, text, call, or chat 988 for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24/7.

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741-741.

If this is a medical emergency or if there is immediate danger of harm, call 911 and explain that you need support for a mental health crisis.

How to Stop Self-Injury: First Steps Towards Healthier Coping

In general, people who self-injure do not stop until they start to learn and use other ways of coping. To make a real change, you will need to:

Have hope for a future that does not include self-injury. Often the first step towards changing a habit is seeing what your future could look like without it.
Put time and effort into making change. For example, working with a mental health professional to identify why you self-injure.
Identify and practice the skills you need to stop self-injuring. For example, learning new strategies for coping with negative emotions and practicing those strategies when you feel the urge to self-injure.
Have confidence that lasting change is possible, and stay focused to ensure the changes you’re making will last.

Tips to Stop Stop Self-Injury Behavior

Once you are ready to make a change, there are many concrete things you can do to stop self-injuring and practice healthier coping strategies:

Find mental health support. A therapist or counselor trained in self-injury can help you understand why you self-injure and help you develop healthy coping skills to deal with negative feelings.
Lean on your support network. Outside of a trained mental health professional, look to friends, family, and other supportive adults in your life as a source of strength who can help you work toward your goal to stop self-injuring.
Find a community in recovery. Attending in-person support groups, or using apps or online support groups can be helpful for some people. Be aware of and avoid communities online where people encourage self-injury.
Remove tools for self-injury, like lighters, razors, or knives. If you can’t remove them altogether, make them difficult to access by storing them away from your room. Consider asking the people you live with to help you in this effort.
Avoid or remove triggers wherever possible. A mental health professional can help you figure out what triggers your urge to self-injure. Once you know them, you can make a plan to minimize your stress.
Practice new coping techniques. You won’t always be able to remove or avoid your triggers, especially if you are triggered by stressors at home, work, or school. So it’s important to have healthier coping techniques for when you do get stressed.

Learn more about things you can do instead of self-injure.

What to Do When You Have Setbacks in Self-Injury Recovery

Self-injury is often triggered by particular life stressors. For many people accustomed to using it as needed, quitting “cold turkey” is rarely an effective strategy. Expecting that you should be able to stop self-injuring behavior immediately and completely only increases feelings of guilt and shame — which can worsen the urge to self-harm. Instead, focus on learning coping strategies and increasing self-care habits in the short term that may then make it easier to stop self-injuring over time.

While you are learning new techniques to cope and practice self-care, it’s important to have self-compassion. Having self-compassion can help you make this change because it is a way to value yourself. Instead of judging or criticizing yourself for engaging in self-injury, extend the same care and compassion toward yourself as you would toward a loved one if they were going through a difficult time. If you slip up, acknowledge the setback, forgive yourself, and encourage yourself to try again.

How to Help a Friend Who is Self-Injuring

If you have a friend or loved one who is ready to stop self-injuring, there are ways you can support them during their recovery:

Help them find a therapist or other mental health support.
Offer to be an accountability partner, if they want one, and if you feel equipped to be one for them. If they agree, set up regular times to check in
Help them develop a self-care plan.

Remember, any support you give needs to be part of a larger conversation with your friend about how you can be helpful to them during their recovery. This is not a battle between you and your friend who is self-injuring — this is about working together to help them stop the behavior that’s harmful to themselves.

It’s also important to remember that your support as a friend should not replace support from a mental health professional who is trained in helping people cope with self-injury.

Learn more about how to follow your instincts when you’re worried about a friend.

What to Do If Your Friend Is Not Ready to Stop Self-Injuring

When a friend or loved one is engaging in self-injury, it can be hard to understand why they can’t just stop. Until they are ready to recognize that their behavior is problematic and feel ready to learn new ways of coping, it can be very difficult to get them to make a change. While you can’t force them to stop their behavior, there are more effective strategies for approaching them with your concern:

Respectfully ask them questions about their behavior. Ask questions about why they do it, why they don’t feel ready to stop, and how you may be able to help them.
Calmly share your own feelings of fear or concern and tell them you care about them.
Do not romanticize self-injury. Some people who self-injure often believe it is a rebellious or strong behavior. It’s important not to reinforce those beliefs.
Do not agree to keep it a secret. If you are really worried about a friend or if you feel in over your head, it is important to get help. Even if it means not keeping a friend’s confidence, being the best friend you can be means asking for help. While it’s important and understandable to want to protect your friend’s privacy, it’s also important to alert a trusted adult that your friend is harming themselves — even if your friend gets mad at you.

Try to avoid engaging with your friend in these ways:

Do not debate the morality or “wrongness” of self-injury.
Do not lash out, shame, or guilt your friend. Avoid telling them they are “bad” or “selfish” for self-injuring.
Do not remove their tools for self-injury without their consent. If someone wants to self-injure and they don’t have access to their usual means, they may find another way to self-injure that could be more dangerous.

How to Help Yourself While Supporting a Friend

Self-injury is a difficult topic that can stir up a lot of negative emotions, especially if you are struggling with your own mental health issues. To be a supportive friend to someone who is self-injuring, you also need to take care of yourself. A good place to start is to determine what you are willing to talk about or see, and when you are available to talk to your friend about what they’re going through.

Seeking support for your own mental health can help you process your own feelings about your friend’s behavior. If you’re feeling sad, angry, scared, or other difficult emotions, tell a counselor or other trusted adult.

Recovery from self-injury can be a long process both for the person who is engaging in the behavior and for their loved ones. When you feel yourself getting stressed, remember to practice self-care. When you take care of yourself, you are not only giving yourself time to recover from your own stress, you are also showing your friend what healthy coping strategies look like.

Learn more about how to take care of yourself when you’re taking care of friends.