When You’re Worried About a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help

It’s hard to see a friend go through a tough time with their mental health. It can be even harder when you want to help a friend who is struggling, but they won’t accept your support. 

You probably hoped they would open up about their problems and get the mental health support they need, but instead, they pushed you away. Here’s what you can do when your friend isn’t open to help.

What to Say to a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help

If your friend doesn’t want help, try not to take it personally. This is not a reflection on you or your friendship. There are many reasons why your friend might not want to talk about what they’re going through or be ready to seek help. Here are some common responses you might hear: 

• “I don’t know what to tell you.” Sometimes it’s hard to identify and talk about our feelings. Your friend might be uncomfortable or feel frustrated because they don’t have the words to express their feelings. You can help by sharing your own feelings — it might make it easier for your friend to open up. 
• “I don’t have a problem.” Your friend might get upset or angry when you mention your worries, deny what you’re bringing up, or say everything’s fine. This is normal. It takes time for someone to admit they need support. Watch for signs that they’re more open to accepting help and gently raise what you’ve noticed — this may open the door for more conversation.
• “I can handle it on my own.” Your friend might feel like they should be able to handle this problem without anyone’s help. They might be ashamed that they’re struggling, or see reaching out for help as a sign of weakness. Remind them that getting help actually shows strength and bravery.
• “It’s not really that bad.” Your friend might not want to feel like a burden to the people in their life. They might say their troubles aren’t serious, especially if others they care about are also going through hard times. You can try reminding them that their struggles aren’t minimized because others may be struggling too.
• “You wouldn’t understand.” Your friend might feel like no one would understand or care about their struggles if they did open up about them. You can assure them that even if you don’t understand everything they’re going through, you are here for them and want to help.
• “I’m just in a bad mood.” Your friend might say that whatever they’re going through is temporary and not serious. You can remind them they still deserve support, even for short-term challenges.
• “Therapy is a waste of time.” Your friend might be skeptical of mental health professionals or have negative views about therapy. You can try to share resources with them about what to expect from therapy and how to get help if they have concerns about their privacy.
• “It’s not worth getting help.” If your friend completely shuts down or makes comments that you or the world would be better off without them, this may actually be a sign that they are struggling with a mental illness, like persistent depression or thoughts of suicide. 

Learn more about the warning signs of suicide and how to help a friend who may be feeling suicidal.

If your friend needs to talk to someone right now, text, call, or chat 988 for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24/7. 

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741-741.

How Can I Keep Supporting a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help?

Don’t give up if your friend isn’t ready for help. You can continue showing up for them and gently encourage them to lean on their support network and take care of themselves.

Keep Checking In — and Having Fun 

Don’t be discouraged if your friend brushes you off at first. Keep checking in on them. Remember, it’s important to come from a place of support and not judgment. What is also important is to make time to simply hang out and have fun together.

Only talking about what’s not working may reinforce difficult feelings or habits — and might push your friend away. Finding time to simply do something enjoyable together — playing a game, watching a movie, being in nature, making or enjoying art or music together — is an act of support too. Your friendship is more likely to stay healthy if you have opportunities to enjoy good times together.

Learn more about helping your friends get the support they need.

Know When to Get Others Involved

If you’ve tried again and again and your friend continues to ignore your concerns, it may be time for you to reach out to someone  you trust for support and guidance, such as a parent, coach, school counselor, manager at work, or mutual friend. If you do reach out to others, it does not mean you’ve failed or that you’re a bad friend. It shows you’re trying to find the most effective way to support your friend.

At first, your friend may be upset if you tell other people. This is normal, but it doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing. People who refuse help for issues like eating disorders, self-harm, or substance misuse often feel angry when a friend asks others to get involved. In some cases, friendships might even end for a while. But getting help makes sure your friend knows that they’re not alone. 

Support Yourself Too

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the stress of supporting a friend who doesn’t want help, it’s important to reach out for support yourself.

• Read tips on how to take care of yourself when taking care of a friend and how to help a friend reach out for support.
• Reach out to your own support system to talk about what you’ve been going through.
• Engage in self-care activities that you enjoy and help you feel calm and relaxed.

Learn More About How to Support Your Friends

How to Follow Your Instincts When Worried About a Friend

How to Ask Someone If They Are Thinking About Suicide

How Can I Help Someone Who Seems Depressed?

How to Help Someone Who Feels Hopeless

How to Relieve Stress: Breathing Exercises You Can Do Anywhere