How to Cope with Bullying
Key Takeaways
- Bullying is aggressive, repetitive behavior that causes harm, and it’s never your fault if you’re targeted. Seeking support and reporting it to a trusted adult are key steps.
- Recognizing signs such as sudden social avoidance or changes in eating or sleeping habits can help you identify bullying and get necessary help.
- You can be a powerful upstander by speaking up, offering support, and never encouraging or standing by while bullying happens.
Bullying comes in many forms:
- Violent or unwanted physical contact
- Behavior meant to provoke a fight or confrontation
- Verbal comments meant to belittle, demean, or control
- Other actions intended to harass, humiliate, or otherwise cause emotional or physical discomfort
Bullying may feel and be unprovoked, and people experiencing bullying often feel powerlessness to defend themselves. If you’re being bullied, remember that you are not at fault and that there is nothing wrong with you.
Bullying is not just physically harmful. It can also take a toll on mental health. Everyone copes with bullying differently, but we’re going to review some things that can help if you or someone you know is being bullied.
Recognizing When Someone Is Being Bullied
It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of bullying, for ourselves and others. Bullying may happen to people who are different from their peers in one or more ways. But it is not your fault if you’re being bullied. According to stopbullying.gov, signs of bullying include:
- Frequently feeling or faking sick
- Suddenly skipping meals or binge eating, or coming home from school hungry because they didn’t eat lunch
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Declining academic performance or interest
- Unexplained or sudden social avoidance or loss of friendships
- Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem
- Self-harm or suicidal ideation
- Unexplained injuries
- Missing or destroyed clothing or possessions
How to Help Yourself or Someone Who’s Being Bullied
If you or someone you know is being bullied, there are several things you can do.
Report It
- Many people experiencing bullying report feeling incredibly lonely and helpless. But you are not alone. There are others who share or understand your experience who can help. Report bullying to an adult you trust as soon as you can.
- It’s understandable to be scared to report bullying, and people being bullied often feel shame. But this isn’t your fault! Most adults want to help and will respond to your situation with empathy, not punishment.
- If your school has an anonymous reporting line, use it. It will get the school administration involved by helping them know to keep an eye on certain people, areas of the school, and situations.
Look for Support
You should never have to deal with a bully alone. Having a peer by your side or seeking connection with a trusted adult is recommended.
- Find a walking buddy for between periods and take note of which teachers open their classrooms during lunch. Being around other people offers comfort and connection.
- If you’re confronted by a bully, stay calm and assert yourself. Simply and definitively tell them to stop, without saying more than you need to.
- Tell your friends. Having a group you can trust can make a big difference. Let them help by speaking up or just staying close to you. Bullies are often deterred by groups.
As with any dangerous situation, call 911 if you feel a crime has been committed or you’re in immediate danger.
How to Seek Help if You Are the Bully
What can you do if you recognize that you’re engaging in bullying behavior?
None of us wants to think we would ever be the bully, but it’s important to note that someone engaging in bullying may not recognize it as bullying, despite how clear it may be to others.
What are some signs that you may be bullying?
- Difficulty empathizing with others or finding humor in others’ misfortune
- Feeling powerful when putting others down
- Manipulating others to gain social status or to get your needs met
- Blaming others for problems or negative behaviors
- Using verbal aggression, threats, or physical violence to get your way
- Engaging in gossip and rumors to keep others out of a group or create a hierarchy among your peers
What can you do if you recognize that you’re engaging in bullying behavior? Go to an adult you trust and who cares about you, such as a parent or guardian, a teacher or other adult at school, or a mental health professional. Tell them what’s going on and ask for help.
Intervening as an Upstander
An upstander speaks or acts to support someone who is being bullied. It’s not easy to do, but it’s important to help others who are being bullied. Here are some strategies for being an effective upstander:
- If you see something, say something! You may not feel like you can stand up to a bully either, and that’s OK. What you can do is stand with the victim and help them exit the situation. Something as simple as, “Hey! I couldn’t find you. Let’s go,” helps them step away from the situation.
- Start a conversation. If you’re worried about a friend you think is being bullied, check in to see if they’re OK or need help. If you’re not sure what to say, check out seizetheawkward.org for a variety of conversation starters.
- Never stand by and watch or encourage bullying behavior. Go get help if you don’t feel safe.
- Don’t harass, tease, or gossip about others. If you hear others doing it, address it directly.
- Support the person experiencing bullying by bringing them to a place where they can report bullying or find information about where to go for help.
- If you see someone you know engaging in bullying behavior, find a way to share what you notice and how it makes you and others, such as the person being bullied, feel. Being honest and respectful about what you see is more helpful than shaming, but it’s critical to avoid tolerating bullying behavior and to do what you can to stop it.
In some instances — especially if the bullying becomes physical — it may not be easy or obvious how to help, but standing idly by is never the answer. If you’re afraid for your safety or someone else’s, go get help or call the police immediately.
Remember: Bullying is never OK. Speak up, get help, talk to someone, and, if possible, work with a mental health professional.
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