How to Cope with Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a form of bullying that takes place online as opposed to in person. Instead of harming someone physically or verbally face to face, the bully uses digital platforms, including social media, video game chat features, text messages, or emails, to threaten, shame, embarrass, or harass their target online.

Although cyberbullying takes place in digital spaces, the effects are very real: It can have many of the same negative impacts on the target’s mental health as in-person bullying, including higher levels of stress or anxiety, feeling unsafe at school, and withdrawing from friends and family. Cyberbullying, like in-person bullying, is also associated with physical symptoms of chronic stress, including headaches, stomachaches, and difficulty sleeping. 

If you are being bullied or harassed online, there are ways to cope. In addition to protecting yourself, knowing what cyberbullying looks like can also empower you to help prevent cyberbullying from happening to others.

Is It Cyberbullying? Recognize the Signs

It’s very common for teens and young adults to spend a lot of time online each day. We use online spaces to connect with and meet new friends, collaborate on school assignments, play games, and share our feelings and experiences. But if you are starting to feel unsafe online, isolated from your friends, or stressed every time you look at your phone or laptop, you may be experiencing cyberbullying. Cyberbullying or online harassment includes when someone:

• Posts rumors or cruel messages about you on social media
• Messages you to call you names, makes derogatory comments, or threatens to hurt you physically or emotionally
• Creates fake accounts using your name or images, or pretends to be you on online forums or social media sites
• Shares images of you or screenshots of your online activity with others without your permission
• Teams up with others to exclude you from a game or other online activity
• Asks you for personal details or keeps tabs on you digitally. If someone is constantly asking who you’re with, what you’re doing, or where you are, for example, they are using a form of cyberbullying called cyberstalking.
• Creates webpages or social media profiles meant to spread rumors or negative talk about you
• Sends unwanted sexually explicit messages or images to you

If you’re not sure whether the behavior you’re experiencing online is cyberbullying or just someone being rude or insensitive, try thinking about how the same behavior would make you feel if it happened offline. 

If you answer “yes” to any of the questions below, you may be the target of cyberbullying.

• Do you feel upset about the messages you’re getting online?
• Have you noticeably increased or decreased your technology use because interacting with people online is causing you stress or anxiety?
• Do you hide your screen from friends or family members because you are embarrassed or ashamed about the messages you’re getting or the people with whom you are interacting?
• Have trusted people in your life told you they have noticed that you’re more angry or irritable lately?
• Do you feel jumpy or worried when you see a notification pop up on your phone?
• Do you avoid social situations in person because of something upsetting happening to you online?
• Are you withdrawing from friends and family or losing interest in your activities outside social media?
• Are you sleeping less because you’re spending more time on your devices, trying to fix problems you’re experiencing online?
• Are you experiencing physical symptoms of stress, such as headaches, stomachaches, tense muscles, or an increased heart rate?

I Am Being Cyberbullied. What Can I Do?

If you are the target of any of the bullying behaviors listed above or you’re feeling stressed about your interactions online, there are things you can do to protect yourself from the cyberbullying behavior in the moment and prevent future cyberbullying incidents. Here are some recommended steps to take if you are the target of cyberbullying:

• Disengage immediately from anyone you feel is cyberbullying you. Don’t respond to direct messages from the cyberbully, and don’t try to engage with them in public spaces online.
• Show the messages to someone you trust. Since many apps indicate when screenshots are taken, use a parent’s or someone else’s device to take photos of threatening or embarrassing messages and show them to someone you trust. If you’re in school, you can show a parent or caregiver, school counselor, or coach. If you’re older, you can show a friend or HR professional at work.
• Block the person on all platforms where they may be able to continue cyberbullying you.
• Put distance between you and your devices. In addition to blocking the person, you can disconnect from social media sites or keep your phone in another room to help you get some space from the incident. Even a 10-minute break from your devices can help you feel calmer as you think about what to do next.
• Report the incident to the platform where the bullying took place. If the bullying behavior took place on a public site or online forum, administrators may be able to deactivate or restrict the cyberbully’s account to prevent future incidents. You can also use the Cyberbullying Research Center to make a report and access technical and legal support as needed.
• Take steps to lower your stress. Try one of these techniques to help you stay as calm as possible while coping with cyberbullying: 
  • Stand up and do 15 jumping jacks or run in place, then close your eyes and put your hand over your heart. Focus on your breathing as you feel your heartbeat slow down. 
  • Try a simple breathing exercise, such as four-seven-eight breathing: Breathe in through your nose for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, and exhale through your mouth for eight seconds.
  • Set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that time outside.

What if I Am the Cyberbully?

When a person feels frustrated, angry, annoyed, or hurt, they may slip into behaviors they later recognize as harmful. If you realize you are using any of the tactics listed above to bully someone else or someone has told you that your behavior online is making them uncomfortable, it is important to stop and check in with yourself about what’s happening. Once you figure out the root of your negative behavior toward others, you can decide what else you could do to express your feelings in a healthier way.

Empathy Check-In

Having trouble feeling empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, is often linked to bullying. Your sense of empathy may be impacted if you haven’t received empathy from others in your life or you have a history of trauma or being bullied yourself.

The good news is that empathy can be practiced and learned. One way you can exercise empathy is by perspective-taking, or putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and considering their experiences. Think about a cruel comment you saw online and ask yourself: 

• What are some reasons this person might have made the choice to say something cruel?
• What might they have wanted to happen?

Then think about the person on the receiving end of the comment. Think about how the comment might have made them feel and affected them.

Ask for Help

It’s important to understand what is causing you to bully others. 

If you’re not sure whether your behavior could be perceived as bullying, it can be helpful to ask people you trust to be honest about what they’ve noticed. 

Working with a mental health professional such as a school counselor or therapist can also help you identify and understand the cause of feelings of anger, frustration, fear, or unhappiness that can lead to bullying behavior.

How to Be a Cyber-Upstander When You See Others Being Cyberbullied

Even if you are neither the target nor the perpetrator of cyberbullying, you may witness a friend or classmate being bullied online. When you notice someone else being bullied, instead of watching it happen as a bystander, you can be an upstander and do something about the incident. 

Here are some ways you can stop cyberbullying when you see it happening to others:

• Encourage the victim to take the steps listed above to disengage from the behavior and seek help from someone they trust. If you’re a teen, find a trusted adult, such as a counselor, coach, parent, or caregiver. If you’re a young adult, you can reach out to a friend, college adviser, or manager at work.
• Tell someone in authority, such as a teacher, parent, coach, or other trusted adult, about what you’re observing. They may be able to intervene on the target’s behalf.
• Report what you are observing to the help center of the site where the bullying is happening.
• Check in with the person who is being cyberbullied and use active listening skills, such as asking open-ended questions and being fully present for the conversation.

Cyberbullying is a distressing reality for far too many people. Knowing how to recognize cyberbullying when you encounter it, what to do next, and how to encourage others to do the same are the tools you need to stay safe and comfortable online.

Learn More About Bullying and Cyberbullying

Understanding Cyberbullying

Understanding Bullying

How to Cope with Bullying

Religious Bullying: How to Get Help and Cope

Understanding Social Comparison on Social Media

Understanding Social Media Use and Balance

Understanding Digital Drama, Social Media, and Mental Health

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