How to Reject Stereotypes and Define Yourself
By Tiffany Eve Lawrence
Stereotypes are more than whispers in a crowd. They are misconceptions that sustain negative ideas about people based on their identity, such as their race, gender, accent, or where they’re from. These incorrect assumptions can damage people’s self-esteem and mental health. These feelings can be even worse if the negative stereotypes cause others to treat people unfairly based on their identity.
You shouldn’t have to cope with harmful stereotypes. You alone cannot put them to rest, nor is it your responsibility to do so — and you shouldn’t even have to make peace with them. But if you do encounter such stereotypes, you can take care of yourself by refusing to accept them as true and finding ways to live as your most authentic self.
How to Actively Reject Stereotypes and Nurture Your Identity
Protecting yourself from stereotypes doesn’t mean fighting every box people try to put you in, but rather defining yourself on your own terms and living in a way that lines up with your values and needs. Here are a few ways to do that.
Question Negative or Stereotypical Thoughts
When you label yourself in a negative way, question where it came from. Did it stem from a stereotype about your community or a response to an unfair and incorrect expectation of you? Getting to the base of the thought may help you realize it’s not rooted in reality.
Then you can reframe your thinking and replace that thought with a positive fact about yourself. If you think, for example, “I can’t believe I cried earlier — I’m so weak,” you may counter that thought with something like, “I cried earlier and it was an emotional release. That’s OK. I’ve been under a lot of stress, but I’m getting through it. I am resilient.”
Create a Physical Reminder of Who You Are
Write down who you are. List your likes and dislikes. Include places you like to go, music you enjoy, and how you create. You can include your positive personality traits and even areas that need improvement. Seeing yourself on paper offers a look at reality and something tangible to help you combat stereotypes.
If you’re not into writing, you can create a digital or paper collage or vision board. Cut out images that align with your personality and match your goals, such as the type of career you want to pursue, the fashion you like, or even your dream car. You can also use apps or other digital tools to create a digital collage of your personality and identify traits that speak to who you are.
Focus on Supportive People and Places
A support network that respects you and truly knows you will inspire you to show up as your authentic self. Friends who hold you accountable to making good decisions and going after your goals won’t knowingly allow you to accept other people’s stereotypes. Make an effort to surround yourself with supportive people and spend time in spaces that allow you to be your true self, whether it’s your gym, church, community center, or somewhere else.
In the same way you can be intentional about spending time in affirming spaces, you can also be mindful of relationships, environments, and institutions that do not fully support your sense of self. Recognizing unsupportive people and places and setting boundaries around them is just as important as finding a sense of safety and rejecting stereotypes.
Curate a Positive Social Media Feed
Stereotypes are often pushed through movies, music, social media, news, and other forms of media. When watching, listening to, or reading something, ask yourself: “How do I feel when consuming this? Do I feel empowered, inspired, or seen? Or do I feel shameful, misrepresented, or reduced to an idea or image that doesn’t suit me?”
If you notice negative feelings, protect yourself by rejecting it: Turn it off, unfollow, limit posts, or do something else to reduce your exposure to it. Then turn on a show or podcast, read a book, or follow a creator who reinforces your value and helps you feel celebrated and validated.
It’s not always easy to actively reject stereotypes when they have been part of our society for so many years. Keep these tips in your back pocket for when the weight of stereotypes feels a bit heavy and you want to get back in touch with who you really are.
It’s OK to Feel Hurt by Stereotypes
When you’re feeling defeated by stereotypes, remember this: In many cases, stereotypes have been used to hold people back and keep them from living their best lives, especially among people who already have less access to resources and opportunities.
For generations, people without power, such as Black people, American Indians/Alaska Natives, immigrants, people with limited income, and others, had to keep their heads down and survive. Their situations made it difficult for them to admit they were burned out or dealing with anxiety. As a result, the pressure to be strong no matter what became common in some communities, creating a stereotype that admitting you need help is a sign that you’re not tough enough.
If these stereotypes exist in your family or community, you may not want to be honest about having a difficult time in school or at work, or with processing your feelings, out of fear you will appear weak. (Reminder: You’re not.) Until this point, you may not have felt like you had permission to be vulnerable. (You do.) You may have also let those stereotypes impact your self-image, believing them without even realizing it. That’s why it’s so important to challenge and reframe them and find ways to live as your true self.
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