When you feel numb, angry, or just off: what that might really mean

By Dillon St. Bernard

When you feel off, it can be hard to explain. You may not have the words or even know what’s wrong. You just know you don’t feel like yourself.

If that’s you, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to tackle it on your own. 

What feeling off can look like

• Feeling numb, disconnected, or checked out, like you’re on autopilot
• Getting angry over things that normally wouldn’t bother you
• Feeling frustrated with everyone around you, yourself, or your situation
• Losing motivation for things you usually like
• Feeling like nothing is changing no matter how hard you try
• Pulling away from people who care about you

All of those can be signs that your system is overloaded. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It can mean you’ve been carrying too much for too long, and you need a break.

Sometimes “off” is what happens when you’re stressed, lonely, or under pressure for a long time. It can also happen when you’re feeling disconnected, isolated, uncertain about your future, under pressure to figure out everything on your own, or like no one understands what you’re going through.

Pause and ask yourself: What’s been bothering me lately? Try to notice patterns. A few questions that can help you figure out what’s going on:

• What’s been most on my mind lately?
• When did I start feeling like this?
• What makes it worse, and what helps even a little?

What you can do about it

One of the biggest traps is believing you need to figure out everything by yourself. When people feel overwhelmed, they sometimes pull away from friends, family, coaches, teammates, or other trusted people. But that usually makes things heavier, not lighter. Reaching out is often the first step to feeling more like yourself again.

A few things you can try include:

• Choose one point of connection with someone else, such as a quick hang, a video call, or uninterrupted time to play a game. 
• Get moving with a walk, going to the gym, or dancing. It helps your body release stress.
• Try to keep a steady sleep routine. When your sleep is off, everything feels harder.

How to talk about it with someone

Here are a few tips for how to talk about how you’re feeling with friends, family, or other trusted people in your life.

• First, ask if it’s a good time: “Do you have the space to talk right now?”
• You can also name what you need in the moment, like: “Can you listen for a minute?” or “Can we hang? I don’t want to be alone.”
• Then start simple with where you’re at. Try something like: “I’ve been feeling off,” or “I’m not OK.” 
• Sometimes you don’t need someone to solve your problem; you just need them to listen. You can say: “I don’t need you to fix anything. I just need you to listen.”

When it’s time to get extra support

There’s no wrong time to get help. You can reach out no matter how little or long you’ve been feeling off. It’s better to ask for help before things feel like too much, but any time you ask for help is the right time. 

You can ask a parent, caregiver, coach, mental health professional, or another trusted adult. If you’re not sure who to start with, keep it simple: “I need help. I’m not OK right now.”

Getting help is a powerful and courageous way to show up for yourself.

If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs support right now, text, call, or chat 988 or text HOME (or HOLA) to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.

Related links

• Why do I feel weird or off?
• How to cope when you’re feeling weird or off
• Pressure cooker: handling stress, expectations, and the fear of falling behind as a man
• Real strength: how to have your friends’ backs — and your own