Real strength: how to have your friends’ backs — and your own
Important Takeaways
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Supporting a friend’s mental health doesn’t require perfect words — regular check-ins and showing up can make a big difference when someone is struggling.
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Learning the signs of emotional stress, loneliness, or mental health challenges can help teens recognize when a friend may need support.
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Asking for help, staying connected, and reaching out to trusted adults are important mental health skills that strengthen both friendships and personal well-being.
By Dillon St. Bernard
Sometimes a friend may feel like they’re doing life alone — even if they’ve got people around them, like you.
If you notice a friend is pulling away or struggling in some way, remind them that they don’t have to handle it alone. Everyone deserves support.
What it can look like when a friend is struggling
It’s not always obvious when a friend is struggling. Some people can feel really down or overwhelmed while cracking jokes or acting chill, so it can be helpful to check in regularly with friends even if they seem fine.
When a friend is struggling and showing signs, it can sometimes look like:
- They’re hiding out or seem checked out
- They’re with people, but don’t seem connected
- They don’t want to talk
- They’re acting angrier or more irritated than usual
- They’re taking bigger risks or getting more impulsive, like drinking or gambling
If this has been going on for weeks, it may be time to pause and check in with them. If you notice a friend going through something like this, it’s worth talking with them about it.
Real strength is checking in
Checking in isn’t about knowing what to say.
Most people remember that you reached out and were there, not if you said the perfect thing. Try not to worry about making it weird or being wrong. Instead, you can be a listening ear and ask a simple yet powerful question: “Do you want support or solutions?”
You also don’t need to wait until you see signs a person is struggling to check in with them. Regular check-ins give the friend who seems fine but isn’t an opportunity to open up.
How to check in without making it weird
You can check in more naturally on a walk, after practice, in the car, or while you’re doing something together.
Try one of these conversation starters:
- “You’ve seemed distracted lately. Are you OK?”
- “You’ve been really quiet. I just wanted to check in. Are you OK?”
- “Let me know if you’re down to chat. I’m here.”
If they say they’re fine, consider probing a bit further: “Are you sure?” If they say yes, you can leave the door open and follow up later:
- “If you don’t want to talk, we can just hang.”
- “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.”
If you’re worried about your friend’s safety, it’s important to be direct:
- “I’m worried about you. Whatever’s going on, you aren’t alone.”
- “How can I support you? We can find help together.”
If you’re the one who’s not OK
You don’t have to carry this by yourself. It’s OK to ask for help. If you want to reach out, try:
- “Do you have a minute?”
- “I don’t even have the words, but I’m not doing well.”
- “Can you sit with me for a bit? I don’t want to be alone right now.”
When it’s time to get extra support
There’s no wrong time to get extra support. You can reach out if you’ve felt lonely and disconnected for a few days or even a few months. Everyone needs extra help sometimes.
Extra support could be a parent, caregiver, coach, counselor, trusted adult, mentor, faith leader, mental health professional, or doctor.
Help is available
Being real with your friends is strength. Asking for help is strength. Letting someone sit with you in the hard stuff (or sitting with a friend) is a superpower.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs support right now, text, call, or chat 988 or text HOME (or HOLA) to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I tell if a friend is struggling with their mental health?
Signs of mental health challenges can include withdrawing from friends, acting more irritable than usual, losing interest in activities, or taking unusual risks. Checking in regularly can help you notice when a friend may need support.
What should I say if I'm worried about a friend?
You don’t need to have the perfect words. Simple questions like “Are you OK?” or “How can I support you?” can open the door to an honest conversation and show that you care.
Why are regular check-ins important for mental health?
Regular check-ins help strengthen friendships and create opportunities for people to talk about stress, loneliness, or emotional struggles. Sometimes a supportive conversation can make someone feel less alone.
What if my friend says they're fine but I still feel concerned?
You can respect their answer while leaving the door open for future conversations. Letting them know you’re available to listen can provide ongoing emotional support and encourage them to reach out when they’re ready.
When should I ask a trusted adult for help?
If you’re worried about a friend’s safety, mental health, or well-being, it’s important to involve a trusted adult such as a parent, coach, counselor, teacher, or mental health professional. Seeking extra support is a responsible way to help someone who may be struggling.
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